Women Support Groups
Since 2009 approximately I have attended different support groups for women . To be perfectly honest , I also attended mixed support groups meaning groups for men and women . I know a lot of women will possibly wonder “ Why would you attend a support group for men and women and not only for women ?” My reason for that is : Because both exist. Also i wanted to attend support groups where you could talk about issues not just related to women , never mind that mixed groups are often cheaper than seeing a therapist one on one .
After three years I stopped going to the women support groups and only to mixed because I had mixed feelings about the women only support groups and did not realize why .
In 2011 I had a partner who invited me to a women only support group while he attended his men’s group . I cannot explain why , but I was not excited ! I just felt like it was not for me without even attending . At this time I did not realize yet that my partner was a narcissist . He made a big fuss and I said “Yes” then i attended a women’s only group and just observed and listened . I did not feel happy or sad in the group . I was just neutral and no explanation for that . Then my partner convinced me to attend as a member . he payed for it and I went to a 3 day retreat . After the experience I came home and was traumatized . I felt violated mentally and emotionally . Again I could not put into words what happened . My late mother ( she was alive at the time ) was shocked with my change ! She had seen me be overwhelmed and having a nervous breakdown , but this time I acted like I escaped from a hostage situation . Still I was not able to articulate what happened !
Later after the retreat , I continued going to the womens support group and I kept feeling irritated . I stopped going due to logistics and started recovering from whatever it was that made me feel unsafe .
Later in 2014 after my mother passed , I started going on a discovery of “ who am I ?” I went to a meditation workshop that I discovered on facebook .
My life started improving shortly after attending said meditations ! It was a mixed group of men and women and I felt like I can finally breath again !
I also tried going to church that resonated with the values I was raised like treating everybody like a CEO , Not judging people no matter who they are and where they come from and other …
The church was nice but it did not feel enough , however the meditation workshops were amazing ! i felt safe and understood !
At some point the meditation workshops were the only safe place for me and I could not wait to go again and I felt sadness leaving . I wanted to live in that place lol !
I started getting training in Reiki and learned more and more about life and humanity and it was amazing !
In 2016 or 2017 I started attending meet up groups for reiki instead of the mediation workshops due to time and other issues and again i felt safe and loved and welcome . This time it was only women and I did not want to leave ! I felt rejuvenated and relaxed !
I was thinking about “ why I felt safe !” and could not really figure it out except for the fact that it was a Reiki group . I started thinking that possibly the best support group for me is a group with holistic minded people .
To offer an idea about the difference , In the Reiki meet up group , we would practice meditation , offer reiki to each other and talk about humanity and the history of healing and we each were able to share our personal experience of trauma and or experiences that made us laugh or cry . It was a safe space with no judgment and confidential . I just felt understood .
After attending at least 10 meet up events , I realized that i simply appreciated deep conversations . I wanted to listen and talk about life in general and how humanity and the history of medicine has changed .
Most support group that I attended , especially women support groups , it was about how to “ change your partner “ or why some stores are cheaper than others . I am not judging here , it is just it drained me to hear women talking about why their husbands was not taking out the trash , or why their kids were not going to sleep on time or how rude people are or how a neighboor is being disrespectful or how to have more sex with your boyfriend/ husband …
I am not saying these topics are not important , however for me personally these topics were not interesting ( For a lack of better wording )
For me personally , if my partner , husband … is not taking out the trash then I just do it myself . I do believe in in balance meaning when two people live together then there should be an agreed consensus on who has which chore responsibility , however to me personally it is not a big deal . Whoever does it , just does it . Or how much sex to have or lack thereof .
These conversations were just irrelevant to me personally . I rather have deep conversations .
When the pandemic started in 2020 , Mid March I tried again attending attending the womens groups online and again something felt off !
I asked once a question in a womens support group on facebook , a group that I used to attend in person but had to stop due to ,logiststics . I asked a question and U admit that I was overwhelmed so I did not articulate my issue , interestingly I was judged by a member and on the call I was listening to how wrong I was and felt like I did not deserve to be alive .
I stopped obviously reaching out after this experience .
I kept thinking how wrong this experience was !
When you are part of a support group , the goal of the group is to be supportive and even if you sound like a jerk , the facilitator and or the memebers of the group should show growth by not digressing “ to that level “ . They should be showing you how to handle the situation you are dealing with in a civil and respectful manner .
Now I am mostly attending groups for holistic professionals and even though it is mostly women, I feel like I can breath again . i talk about my sexuality , my passions and sorrows and it feels welcoming , safe and I do not feel traumatized because I was being myself .
I realized that womens groups can be toxic as well and women join womens support groups because they are looking for a safe place to just be and when a member of a support group puts another women down , women feel like something is wrong with them and naturally even judge themselves for whatever they feel or are not feeling .
Women are thought that if you are feeling unsafe then it can only happen around toxic men , however in my experience , you can feel unsafe around women when they are toxic as well .
What our society is keeping as a taboo topic is that when women are abused mentally , physically and or emotionally , they can become abusive as well .
I also noticed that many women consider only physical abuse as a valid form of abuse , however abuse is indeed mental and emotional .
The original idea of sister hood has always been that women should offer support and advise in a non judgmental way . A woman , when she makes a mistake , she should be given different perspectives and after feedback , understand how to improve her behavior or attitude without feeling guilty for just breathing .
A lot of women think “ well this a a women only group so naturally it is safe “
My advise to any women is “ If you feel rejuvenated , Feel like you learned a lot and feel relaxed “ then you have found the right womens group .
If you suddenly feel like blaming yourself , your S.O or other people in your life then you are not safe and I encourage you to leave.
I also understand that you need connection and you crave being around women who understand you , but let me ask you something , Is it worth it to be in a group where after attending , you feel like a horrible person or like you should get divorced or anything like that ?
Ask yourself that question and look within .