I always had unique interests
When I was 16 years old I started discovering that I have a voice . I cannot really explain what happened , but I remember tat i was 16 or 17 I have no idea what exactly happened but I was looking at my father while he was yelling again from the top of his lungs about something and for a moment I looked at him and saw the human being he was and not as my father and in that moment I thought “ what on earth is he talking about ?!” In that moment I suddenly started looking at my father differently and my father realized that something was different because from then on , every time he was manipulating me by convincing me that I wanted or felt something that I did not and I said “ no” my father realized that something happened . I did not allow him anymore to tell me what I liked or didn’t like or want . The pros of this change in my mindset was that I started figuring out who I am and what I want in life . The cons though was that my father was convinced that my mother was brainwashing me . It was beyond my fathers comprehension that I could have my own ideas , opinions and needs . looking at me as an individual was beyond my fathers comprehension basically . My mother got “punished “ anytime something did not go my fathers way .
My fathers way of control over people he ran into was threatening with physical assault , calling people in general names and or calling women names that no man would call a woman even if he did not respect her . At home his idea of control was forcing my mother to marital relations against her will , mentally , verbally and emotionally abusing her . In my case it was mostly mental , verbal and emotional abuse .
When i started developing interests I realized that I was a human being who deserved to have needs , wants and pursuits . I realized that I had opinions . I realized that it was natural for me to like something and or people .
My mother supported me as best as possible by looking for books that could interest me and reading books that i enjoyed and again she wanted to share my interest with me . My father was furious because I started saying no to him . That was a crime at home and he did intimidate me by forcing my mother to marital relations . I pretended that i was clueless but then i could not take it anymore and tried to protect my mother by saying yes even when i was disgusted . At some point I realized that he did not care anymore and just would force her anytime he felt like it .
I started reading about ancient pyramids , ancient mythology and Ufo’s . My mother realized how happy I was when i read all those books . Later I even read scientific journals because I wanted to know more and school books were not sufficient for me . The more books I read that I enjoyed the more my self esteem grew and my mind was opening to endless possibilities . I heard about books in metaphysics but I could not find anything .